


The Rhythm of Grief

by salamnderginger



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drabble, F/M, Grief, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24639166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salamnderginger/pseuds/salamnderginger
Summary: It doesn’t quite feel real until he’s lost an entire day to staring at the flickering flames of the main hall’s hearth. Doesn’t quite connect until he’s staring at the Inquisitor and sharing that stupid story about the Carta and Wicked Grace. Picking open the raw wound Hawke’s death has rent upon his soul.---A short drabble about the ones we love, the things we lose, and all we can give in the wake of our grief.
Relationships: Fenris/Female Hawke, Fenris/Hawke (Dragon Age), Fenris/Male Hawke
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	The Rhythm of Grief

He knew.

He’d known the second the Inquisitor emerged from that green rip in the sky.

But he’d asked them anyways.

Desperately hoping he was wrong. Desperately hoping that for once in his damnable life that the twisting deep in his gut was _wrong_ this time.

Losing Hawke had never been an option and faced with it now Varric finds he had nothing to offer it. No tears. No howls of grief. Nothing but the pained and aching silence of his disbelief.

He doesn’t cry on the way back to Skyhold. He doesn’t say a word.

And Maker knows the others tried with their soft words and gentle voices.

None of it reaches him.

It doesn’t quite feel real until he’s lost an entire day to staring at the flickering flames of the main hall’s hearth. Doesn’t quite connect until he’s staring at the Inquisitor and sharing that stupid story about the Carta and Wicked Grace. Picking open the raw wound Hawke’s death has rent upon his soul.

Varric doubts it will ever _feel_ real. Doubts that this death will be one he files away as neatly as he has all the others.

Bethany. Bartrand. Anders.

_Hawke_.

He _aches_ but somehow finds the strength to pull out his quills and paper as the fire begins to stutter and fade. They _all_ deserve to know through him and not the elaborate networks of connections and spies they all use and sometimes share.

Their letters are not _hard_ , but nor are they _easy_. For a man of so many words Varric finds very few of them worth using.

He saves Fenris’s for last.

He knows that there is nothing he can put to paper to make what he must say hurt less for _him_ of all people.

And the words do not come easily to Varric. Everything he writes feels so disgustingly inadequate that there is more paper on the fire than wood.

How do you put grief into words?

How do you tell someone what they’ve lost with paper and ink?

If his own grief feels like a yawning chasm, he can scarcely imagine what it will be like for Fenris.

Bitter, angry, _volatile_ Fenris.

Varric itches to grab his things and leave. He knows where they’ve been staying, knows that news like this deserves to be given in person, not on paper.

But, damn him to hell, he cannot.

Not now. Not on the heels of such an overwhelming victory against Corypheus. Not when the next, logical, move is to strike him hard where he’s most weak. The Inquisition needs him…

Or perhaps it’s he that needs the Inquisition.

At this point, Varric can’t tell the difference between the two. Stay and fight the thing that took Hawke away from them all or leave and risk never finding his way back.

It’s dawn by the time he picks a side and finds the words he needs.

They are all wrong.

And they _are_ disgustingly inadequate.

But they are all he has.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea that fell into my head by accident and before I quite knew what was happening, had taken on a life of its own. Written mostly based off my initial play though of Dragon Age 2 but mostly because it's simply the route I am most familiar with. Comments are appreciated but not required. I hope you enjoyed!


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